Five Minute Friday – Stuck

April 29, 2018April 29, 2018 ~ traceyatwaterintowine ~ 12 Comments

Five Minute Friday = prompt word, five minutes, just write.

No overthinking, no over complicating.

This weeks prompt word: STUCK

Now theres a word I can relate to.

“I feel stuck” is a phrase I’ll say all dramatically quite often – more often than I’d like – to myself, to God, to anyone who’s bothered to ask or listen. It can often relate to bigger broader life issues (more drama involved) but often it just relates to everyday what I’m doing around the house type things, creative projects (there are many), my words, my writing – I get stuck between where I am and where I want to be and this struggle to move forward, to gain momentum feels like a common theme that I grapple with.

Sometimes its a “deer in the headlights” type stuck, a fear paralysis – wanting so much to make the right decision that I can’t make any decision at all, or the result of wanting so much for the end result to be somehow perfect (like it ever will be) that I become immobilised or it relates to something put off for so long, that I’ve made such a big deal of in my head, any step forward seems inadequate.

The one thing I’ve learnt about “stuckness” though is that by putting one small foot forward followed by another, and the tiniest foot will do – you’ll find yourself moving forward even while your still feeling stuck. Small steps will get you moving – even if feels like inch by inch at first – but your moving and that’s when things have a red hot chance of unfolding and becoming clearer. Simply put; your on your way and things look so much different from that vantage point.

I’ve written some words about the value of simple small steps that I’ll be sharing with you soon that were inspired by these words from Leeana Tankersly.

– – – small steps often keep us going when we run out of steam with the grand gestures.

A thousand times yes.

Grace follows every small step, every not giving up, every time we let hope move us forward – grace follows, heaven cheers and thousands walk with us because thousands of ordinary people are taking small brave steps of their own.

Feeling stuck?

Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible Francis of Assisi

Read what others folks have done with their five minutes here

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What I Found this Summer

March 11, 2018April 30, 2018 ~ traceyatwaterintowine ~ 8 Comments

Good without the bad ain’t no good at all. Everything Must Go

Hi friends – if you’ve joined me here for a while you’ll be familiar with my What I Found posts. These are simply a way of paying attention to my right now life and being thankful for all of it. The lovely, the not so lovely, the inspiring, the exasperating, the trivial (that’s sometimes not so trivial) and occasionally the deep down meaningful that stops me in my well worn tracks. It all counts. It all has a place. Today its a mixed bag of things learned and found and enjoyed and noticed over these past summer months.

WHAT I LEARNED

1. Letting yourself ask WHY good and loud can somehow help settle things on the inside of us even when the answers are still illusive or taking their own sweet time in coming.

In my most recent post I had a good whinge about my job. I didn’t mean to but out it came and at the end of the five minutes of writing I decided that regardless of the “whys” and “what fors” I always want hope and possibility to have the final say. Now I’d perculated on those words for a few days before I decided to hit publish but somehow writing them made me feel better about everything. That nagging on the inside, the wanting to cry if I thought about it too much, the frustration, the feeling of being sidelined – just fizzled out. I still don’t know what will happen with this job, I can only trust it’s somewhere good and I’m looking at it now from a different angle

Then this happened

About an hour after I published that post in my lunch break I got asked out of the blue to go back onto inbound calls for two hours because of the high call volume. I said yes in about a nano second. In that two hours I remembered how good and life giving it felt to be interacting with and helping people but – – – I also remembered how challenging and demanding and utterly exhausting it is to be interacting with and helping people. The grass isn’t always greener it’s just a different shade.

Then this

With Chinese New Year a fortune cookie arrived on my desk. Now I’m not looking for my fortune to be told, not now not ever but I was hungry so that fortune cookie was getting eaten and this fell out.

Well let’s hope they are.

Now that made me laugh. See adventure was my “word” for last year and no it didn’t have me canoeing down the Amazon or jumping out of a plane so it was an odd word for me but there it is and I felt like it followed me into this year too but with the change in my work any chance of adventure felt well and truly trampled on. And boring well that’s a word I’ve been bandying about willy nilly since starting this role. So as random as it was, these few words hit me right at heart level and felt a bit like God saying “get a grip it’s all under control and its better than you think”.

So what I was reminded of (again) is that our emotions rarely tell the real story. Theres always a bigger story in the making than what we can perceive with these eyes or touch with our hands. I thing hope keeps us looking for the bigger story.

2. I like white

Now its no secret how much I love a bit of colour and pattern in the home furnishings department. Still do. Always will. And if its mismatched and vintagey and all thrown together all the better but over the last few months I’ve had a hankering for white. White walls mainly buts it seems to be spreading and yes I think it must reflect a inner hankering for some simple, clean, and calm in my life. A bit of white it seems can go a long way towards that.

It started with

Painting this tiny wall

Then I was given this set of white sheets,

They’re microfibre, 1600 thread count – softest sheets I’ve ever had and they feel like velvet but it’s the white that really shone and brightened the room more than I could have ever imagined. Small change but a huge difference.

Then I found these beauties.

$12.00 a pack at The Reject Shop. That bright white was calling my name. Thought I was getting one curtain in each pack so bought six but nope theres two in each. The red sticker that says “2 Pack” should have given it away but no I didn’t twig. I thought I’d put them in the lounge room but they’ve ended up in the bedroom.

They couldn’t go up until I painted the walls and the difference that a) taking the lined curtains I’ve had there for years down b) painting the walls and trim Antique White USA has been nothing less than revolutionary. The sense of space and light in the room now is monumental. It feels so much bigger and brighter and it’s doing me all sorts of good. And even though I’ve got some brightly coloured frames in the works and a new gallery wall in the planning my inkling for right now except for one small painting next to the window is to leave it completely blank.

I like these words from Courtney Carver at Be More with Less.

3. BFFs are the best

“If we have friends we should look only for the best in them and give them the best that’s in us, don’t you think”. Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables

Seeing Olivia and her best friend Milly hang out together all summer reminded me of what is truly good and right and lovely about having a bosom friend as Anne would say.

These two are of the same ilk, both gentle souls and because of it their friendship has stuck. Both as relaxed and sweet spirited as each other. Their only real agenda when they’re together is to giggle a lot and have themselves some fun. But heres what I’ve really noticed that means so much to me and I know to Milly’s mum as well – they’re good to each other, they have each others back, not interested in comparing or competing, they don’t put each other down or try to out do each other, theres no power plays or tantrums, their not exclusive or divisive, there’s always room for one more to join in whatever shenanigans they’re up to and all of it as refreshing as it is rare. They are each others biggest fans and first picks always when it comes to fun and having a jolly good time. And oh they certainly had themselves a good time over summer.

Let’s just say they summered hard – they swam and played and laughed and FaceTimed there way through. Giggled almost constantly and discussed every aspect of “Stranger Things” ad infinitum and still there were more things to say about it apparently. There were movies, sleepovers, endless selfies, water parks and fun park rides, fireworks and summer sized servings of ice cream and hot chips thrown in on a regular basis for good measure. A pretty perfect summer all round but like anything isn’t it really about the people you share it with.

We can worry so much about what we are giving or not giving our children, are we doing enough and in the right amounts. Are they missing out. And then it all gets put into perspective because the things they really need to be OK aren’t what we can buy. And doesn’t a good friend make just about anything OK. A true friend is somewhat rare and as precious a thing as you’ll ever find, a gift of a thing. And this is the stuff that really counts isn’t it, this is what they’ll remember when they’re grown – having someone to jump in at the deep end with them and go on the scariest rides, someone safe to tell your secrets too and laugh with till you cry. I got me one of those. So thankful my girl has too.

And the more the merrier

WHAT I FOUND

Both my sisters visited over the summer and when they visit we do the rounds of the op shops together – it’s officially a thing. Now I seem to gravitate to the same kind of things every time- cane baskets, pretty cushions, paintings, plates, bowls , coloured glassware and books. The only non op shop find is the cream chair which I found beside the road as you do – my other favourite shopping location.

Kitchen

Cushions

Paintings

Roadside

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WHAT I WATCHED

I’ll confess I’m a bit of a Netflix binge watcher and I managed to watch six seasons of Longmire in an absolute jiffy. Felt like I’d only watched maybe two or three. Nope all six. but I was hooked early on. What I liked about it

The scenery – set in Wyoming and oh my the mountains, that sky – just spectacular
The log cabins – from cute little ones styled to perfection all the way up too huge ranch style ones which were gobsmacking
The “old fashioned” manners and morals and classic pitch of good against evil. All of it still works for me and in spades.
And it didn’t hurt one little bit all the handsome fellas getting about in cowboy boots and wide brim hats.

Now heres something I learned that I didn’t know. The lead actor Robert Taylor is Australian and I’ll confess I’d never heard of him before despite him having parts in a whole slew of movies apparently. Who knew? Probably because like a lot of good actors he just does his thing and acts up a storm and doesn’t make a big fat fuss of himself. Either that or I live under a rock. Any hoo despite it being just very slightly slow moving in parts and wanting to buy deputy Vic a more lady like sized coffee cup it was a winner all the way round.

And this movie – all the hearts

Everything Must Go

AND SOME WORDS THAT STUCK

Show up where your feet are. Show up for the people in front of you. @hayley.e.morgan

Don’t get simpler than that. Be right where you are, whole head, whole heart for the people Gods given you. I think I needed this reminder.

I always say that the best New Year’s resolution you can make is to begin again. It will permeate every area of your life, and will remind you that the small steps often keep us going when we run out of steam with the grand gestures. Leeana Tankersley

New Year resolution or anytime resolution – begin again. You can download “15 Ways to Begin Again” on Leeana’s blog now. Just click right here.

And then there’s Shannan Martin and no one says things quite as straight as her

What would it be like if we all flew to the highest, riskiest branch and sang our guts out.@shannanwrites

So now what I really want to know is what you’ve been up to. Any good finds or reads or something you learnt. Would LOVE to hear. xx

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Five Minute Friday – Why

February 21, 2018April 23, 2018 ~ traceyatwaterintowine ~ 10 Comments

Five Minute Friday= prompt word, five minutes, just write. No overthinking, no over complicating.This weeks prompt word: WHY

I’ve a few whys at the moment

Why does my boy leave wet towels on his floor after every shower.

Every time.

Why does my girl shove her dirty clothes into her wardrobe with her clean clothes

Small shake your head, laughable whys

A much bigger why at the moment is work related.

I was recently moved from my lovely inbound call job helping people get the care they need to back of house work adjusting and amending client records. I’ve gone from part time and a flexible sliding shift to full time 9-5 daily. Yes it’s helping people in a different way but for me its like this. Talking to clients – life giving. Staring at a computer – soul destroying. Others in the same boat consider it a promotion yet to me it feels like a punishment, like I’ve been put in the naughty corner for having too much fun. A blessing or a curse? A doorway or a sideline? or simply an opportunity to learn new skills and push myself a bit.

I don’t know, I don’t get it – it’s just a big why

And then there are the eternal universal break your heart whys that are truly important and put things in perspective as they should and they make my whys seem petty and me ungrateful so I its tempting just to stuff them down and hide them away.

Emily P Freeman though often talks about carrying our questions with us and I like that idea. Like letting them out in the light where we can pray them and feel them and give them some air.

See our questions can propel us and push us and keep us searching but have you noticed they won’t be bullied into giving up their answers, they won’t be beaten into submission and answers rarely come tied up with a bow or from the direction we think they will.

I’ve noticed this too – we can carry other things with those whys – grief maybe, some disappointment too but also thankfulness, possibility and hope. They all have a place. It’s not one or the other

but I want hope to win out

I want to err on the side of possibility and opportunity

And I want hope to have the final say.

I listened to this episode of The Next Right Thing podcastlastweek. All about the whys and the what nows So if you have yourself some whys too it’s well worth a listen.

Read what others have done with their five minutes here

Five Minute Friday – Agree

February 5, 2018April 23, 2018 ~ traceyatwaterintowine ~ 8 Comments

Five Minute Friday = prompt word, five minutes, just write. No overthinking, no over editing.

This weeks prompt word – AGREE

Can we agree together on a couple of things

Nothing ground breaking, nothing earth shattering – just simple things that I forget all the time and need reminding of always and maybe you do too.

Can we agree that we are all probably doing way better than what we give ourselves credit for.

Can we agree to be thankful for our right here right now lives whatever that looks like, whatever shape it is, however dinged up and pieced together it may feel. Can we breathe thankfulness in, deep down into our bones in, because which ever way we look at it what we have right now is pure gold.

Can we all agree to be kind to ourselves this year, this day, right now. Kind and supporting and encouraging like we would a friend. We’re good at being kind and good to others so let’s be being kind and good to ourselves.

Let’s agree to keep believing – no matter what has been and what’s gone down and what’s turned sour. Let’s believe again and believe the best and throw hope at the dark and turn it on end.

And let’s agree to do our thing and live our calling with all we’ve got and not call it nothing like it doesn’t count. Because it doesn’t have to be seen or recognised or have bells on to be called something. Its ours – our story, our people, our heartbeat and that makes it something already – so grow the garden, make the meals, paint the picture, write the words, invite the people, hang the clothes, tell your story and call it good and call it scared and call it your art.

Let’s agree that small steps are good steps and even teeny tiny minuscule ones will do and work the same way. They all add up, and forward is forward. So let’s take one small step after another and see what mountains we climb.

Its early days yet. The years still young, unsung and unsullied.

Here’s our chance.

Our moment to do things a little different.

Anyone agree?

End

You can read what other peeps have done with their five minutes here.

Taking Back the House

January 17, 2018April 30, 2018 ~ traceyatwaterintowine ~ 4 Comments

With Christmas over for another year the kids as always were a bit forlorn.

I on the other hand was elated.

Not because I don’t love Christmas but because I get my house back.

Well as much back as it will ever be.

If Christmas is all about the children than January HAS to be all about the grown ups and reclaiming a little space and sanity.

Christmas pushes this tiny house to its very limits. Every single surface and corner and space seems to get crammed full to overflowing. I don’t mind it at first, I take it as a blessing – it feels cozy and festive but oh my goodness it has a limited life span.

Theres a fine line too between cozy and cramped and I think we may have crossed it when the third Christmas tree went up. Kids set up a tree each in there own rooms just to add to the Christmas cheer ! and lets just say those room sizes were not designed for that sort of action.

It may take me some time to get my head around the new year but by January 1st the house is well and truly ready to shed the Christmas kilos.

The Nester shared this quote on Instagram recently

Carving out a haven for yourself and those near to you is a sacred endeavour (Sarah Ban Breathnach from “Simple Abundance”, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy)

My heart says yes it is.

It just doesn’t always feel that way.

Simply put sacred means “connected to God”

That’ll do me

But most days it doesn’t feel sacred

Most days

It feels like a slippery slope

It feels like clawing my way back from the brink

It feels like a one woman losing battle.

It feels like herding cats

We returned from our lovely christmas camping trip exhausted and happy on January 1st and I went back to work (now 9-5) on the 2nd. Our camping stuff basically got piled on top of our Christmas stuff and a lot of it just as you walk in the front door. And despite kind requests from me to start putting things away, thats pretty much where it stayed for the next three days. No one else seemed to worry about it. A mountain of stuff trailing into every room in the house – rooms bursting at the seams – baskets of clothes to be unpacked stranded in the hallway – not a problem apparently.

By Friday morning my mood was anything but sacred. I got up early while they slept. I banged things around, swept loudly, packed the dishwasher loudly, threw things in the washing machine, shoved baskets of clothes and christmas trees boxes into there rooms and with that off my chest left for work surprisingly happy with instructions to pack up their trees and clean up “or else”.

I don’t know what “or else” was.

Me doing it myself probably but it seemed to work as I got home to a slight improvement in affairs and the trees were in their boxes.

Oh a little bit of progress can go a long way and so can a tiny bit of clean and organised. It was enough for even the kids to mention how much better their rooms felt. So that kick started a discussion of a few improvements they could make in their rooms and I piped in with a few random thoughts on the new year and letting go and making room and fresh starts. That kind of thing.

They agreed in theory but it took bribery to get them over the line.

The following Saturday we had a wander around the shops and Ethan chose a clothes rack/ wardrobe type thing he’s wanted for a while in exchange for letting go of at least 50% of the stuff in his room. It was a bargain he was willing to make. We also had a chat about only keeping the clothes he wears and loves. The word capsule wardrobe was not mentioned but thats quietly where we are headed. Garment rack was $20.00 from Big W – not designed to last a life time but designed to get my boy inspired and taking some pride in his room. I don’t for a minute think he’ll be in a big hurry to hang his clothes up but who knows lets give it a try anyway.

A mountain of dust and dirt and unwanted stuff went out. We found the can of paint we bought for his walls six months ago hidden under his bed. Yes we’ve had that paint six months !!!! We exchanged glances and deep breaths and decided it was now or never. I did the edges, he rolled the walls and it was done by the next day. Mid summer in that tiny room was like a sauna even with the fan on but he now has two charcoal grey walls – his choice – and they look great. It was a marathon, it looked way worse before it looked better but we all felt great and like we’d accomplished something when we were done.

Remember that word sacred – hanging out with my boy for the better part of a weekend, talking about things he wants to do this year, helping make his room a place he feels is his own and has his stamp on it, me not nagging or micro managing – that felt a little bit sacred.

Not perfect but a whole lot better and yes he’s claimed this chair for his own “just for now”. He ditched the faux fur.

It took me to the following Wednesday to work up the energy to deal with the family Christmas tree that was still taking up an entire corner of the lounge room. She’s a beauty but I have to rearrange the furniture each year to fit her in. I think everyone, except me, had just stopped seeing it but oh my goodness what a difference when it was gone. I had my lounge room back – the space, the light – I could suddenly think straight again. So I kept going and completely cleared off my kitchen bench as well (its about three feet away from the lounge room) and that too was worth its weight in new years resolutions. I basked in that sense of freshness for days.

And yes that felt a little bit sacred too. Clearing out the old to make room for the new – making small changes even very simple ones can shove us into the territory of fresh hope and new possibility. It can help us see and appreciate what we already have with fresh eyes and maybe even believe that the most outlandish of dreams might be possible in the new year

The following weekend it was Livvy’s turn and having got wind of what we’d got done in Ethan’s room she was more than ready to give her room a little revamp. Her idea of tidying up to date is shoving everything she can find into the wardrobe or on top of her desk or under the bed. Heres the evidence – pics taken last September.

I’d title this the mother of all messes but its a little girl who master minded this horror. We’ve had a few tidy ups and throw outs since of course but things have a way of building up again especially with the festive season thrown in.

So in exchange for letting go of a whole slew of unwanted stuff she decided on a storage container for her Christmas decorations and for her and I to go out and get our nails done together. Bless her. No arguments from me.

Olivia’s a bit like this when it comes to tidying up. (Aren’t we all)

But this time was kind of special – new year, new room kind of special. She put on the music, she brought in snacks, I didn’t have any melt downs about what a bomb site the room was and why does it get to this stage – it was almost a party. It took us three hours, it was messy, it was mind boggling what was in that room, it was fun, it was time together. And that too felt in the ball park of sacred. We finished up with her sitting down at her freshly cleaned down desk – miracle – with her new year diary and colouring pencils and washi tape and scrap book paper and scissors – another mess on the way for sure, but a million dreams in her head and a sparkle of adventure in her eyes.

So at what point in our making home do we nudge our way into the territory of the sacred.

In all of it I’d say. When we keep showing up. When we say this is important, this is worth every ounce of my time and attention.

And maybe when we throw what we have (and a girl throw will do) – our limited time, our still broken hearts, our so so skills, all of that love and hope – at our right now lives – the sacred is what bounces back.

What bounces back isn’t a perfectly appointed home, or a cookie cutter life.

Nothing as fleeting

What bounced back these past few weeks – after my tantrum and my wondering “who lives like this?” after our shopping and painting and clearing and cleaning was some of that golden one on one time with the kids. Us just being together – a shared project, a bit of fun, a laugh, a few squabbles some hopes and dreams shared. And below the surface of that, the message (I hope and pray) that is really soaking into their skin is that their dreams are my dreams and that being with them and making things right for them is the most important thing I’ll ever do.

What bounced back too is the house a bit fresher and cleaner and more comfortable than it was – a bit easier on the eye and little more restful and inspiring to two little peoples souls and ours as well – one thats a safe place to dream dreams and that points us all in the direction of a new year and fresh possibility.

That feels sacred.

Id like to say the house is now “back” and all under control but this is me so let’s be serious – the kids are sitting pretty but right now my own room is completely pulled apart while I paint the walls white, I’ve a stack of op shop frames waiting to be spray painted cause there’s a new gallery wall percolating in my head and my lovely striped dining room table is right at this moment completely covered in clothes waiting to be folded.

Its a good life.

Happy New Year friends.

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