Welcome to my  Five Minute Friday,

This weeks prompt word: Ten.

Oh these prompt words they take it out of me

Five Minute Friday – Sunday here now.  I wrote this yesterday after I noticed the day’s date on my computer

It’s ten years today since we moved into our house – our first home – we moved in full of dreams and big plans and to quote myself “some we have seen through, some we are still working on and some have sat back and laughed at us” Ten years – gone in a heartbeat. Ethan was just a baby and Olivia not even with us yet. She arrived just in time for our second Christmas and I thought all of my Christmases had come at once. She would stare at me with her deep dark eyes as if asking me “who are you” “why am I here” and I’d try to explain it to her. Now almost nine I’m sure somedays she knows more of the answers than me.

Grown now from babies into children that are still a wonder to me and I wonder as we all do constantly how did it happen – how did those years slip by so quick – where did they go. But even while they were still little, with those round gorgeous cheeks and dribbly mouths, pushing each other around in the dolly stroller, both squeezing into the baby bath together, both screaming in unison, high and ear piercing if I was ever going anywhere without them – even then I knew “these are the days”. The days to grab and cherish and take notice of because they’ll be gone in an instant as they all are. And they were. They don’t slow down or hang around so that we have a decent chance to marvel and wonder. So I only hope I kissed them enough and cuddled those little squishy bodies enough and read bed time stories enough, I hope those little hearts knew how much they were loved.

I know for sure I messed it up a lot, lost my temper far too much, was busy too much. I wonder as well about the odd sense of guilt that hit’s me sometimes and always bring a sting to my eyes – like I somehow should have slowed the day’s down, and made them stretch out farther than I did. Like I could?? and did I do enough, did I make it count enough, do I remember enough. The intention to appreciate all I have have is a good and Godly one but guilt isn’t – it’s draining, it steals from today and I’ll never remember enough.

I know that in ten years time I’ll look back at now – with my girl 8 and my boy not yet 12 and think – oh my you had it all then – I’ll marvel at how small they look in photos and how cute they are and maybe I’ll ask myself all the same questions – – –

Right now though – I’ve got today. Today – I can take notice of and be thankful for. Today – I can love them.  Today –  I can look on and handle fondly for all it contains – the goodness and the grumpiness. Today I can enjoy and marvel over my children and bicker with them as well for sure at some stage. Today I can take the pressure off trying to do it all  and making it all count  – it counts just by being. It’s a gift and I can just do the best I can in this moment I have.

Thanks so much for reading today. Hoping my 5 minutes that stretched into 15 made sense.

If you have a moment you can read a little more of our ten years here.